s w i r l s

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

For the first time in many weeks, I did not enjoy CO practice. Usually CO makes my day, it makes me smile, laugh, hyper, insane and all sorts of nutty and happy stuff, but today I just felt so down in the dumps and I felt like crying. I couldn't even smile properly. All I managed was to plaster a fake smile on my face that lasted for a few seconds.

Maybe the workload of school is getting to me. My life is like totally gone now that there's the English group course thingy (every monday after school), Chemistry Tutorial (3 times a week, after Protected Time), and NOW, there is this Physics High Achievers thingy. You are given challenging Physics papers to do from those prestigious schools and even from JC, every week. Plus there's still the Chinese Essay Course and CO practices has intensified due to the impending SYF Competition. I think I'm gonna break down soon. -_-||| Teachers are dishing out so much homework and expecting us to finish it in record time. Oh and did I mention, that they actually gave us THREE papers for the English group? Oh man...

Today just sucks lah, k. I'm feeling utterly shitty and lousy now. I shall stop whining and spare you all from another good round of complaints. Log out.

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 8:10 PM |

Monday, March 28, 2005

Today is the start of another new week. Talk about monday blues. Our class is out of the homeroom system as Shen Shen's leg is injured and is unable to move around the school too much. Our temporary classroom is the old PE store, which is thankfully renovated and air-conditioned. But there are no tables and the sliding 'table' attached to those lecture chairs are so tiny. I kept hearing stationaries drop.

There was a book sale in school today! So exciting, but there were very little romance/suspense novels. Nevertheless, I did buy a book, thought I had my eyes set on 4. And you know, we had PE today, and after PE, is Physics class. Everyone trooped into the air-conditioned room, sticky and sweaty. Then someone sprayed the entire class with so much perfume/deodorant that some of us began coughing. *gag*

During the english high achievers class, Esther sat beside me and we disturbed each other throughout the class. Haha, laughed too much le. Anyway, got violin lessons now! My teacher's probably gonna have a heart attack when he hears how terrible my "Silver Tears of the Moon" will sound.

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 6:07 PM |

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Hey Muffin, thanks for mentioning me in that list. I feel so honoured. Haha. No sarcasm intended.

Today is the last day where our conductor would come before he leaves for London for the dunno what festival thingy. CO was fun today. As usual, we gaohus were our nutsy self, maybe with the exception of Wen Da, who's probably the sanest of us gaohus. So yeah, we were like laughing for dunno what reasons (sorry, STM, another common trait of gaohus), and Zheng Lao Shi was like complaining about our 'tai feng' again. And again, he came and shook me from side to side as demonstration. I was like 'diaox'. Yeah, so anyway, my section decided to like move and though I couldn't see the effect since I was in front, I assumed it was quite nice.

Then Lynn decided that we should all drink water at the same time. I meant the front row of people: Si Lei, Lynn, Wen Da and me. So the four of us took out our water bottles and drank at the same time. I couldn't see how it looked like coz I was drinking as well but the mental image in my mind was hilarious. I couldn't help it but laugh. The result was disastrous. My epiglottis opened and water went down my trachea (windpipe). I began coughing and very nearly spewed out water at my conductor. But I managed to swallow the water first then I began coughing violently. So embarrassing can? People was looking at me, including the conductor. Oh man...

Sigh, the 3 sec 1s so poor thing, like come for nothing lor. I was so tired today coz I slept at like 2am last night, but then I was so hyper after the break, maybe coz I talked to the sec 1s. Ahaha. Don't ask me why, I don't know.

Theophilus conducted Chang Cheng today and he's good! I'm impressed. Then I was sooo tired, I almost fell asleep in the bus on my way home and almost missed my stop. Phew. I got jerked awake on the bus right at my stop. Climbing the stairs of the overhead bridge was like the road to eternity. Not to mention I got drenched in that sudden downpour today and it was freezing in the bus!

And Eileen ah, cheer up kaes? Don't think too much about it and don't get too affect by it. Remember what I said k? You can do it gal! ^_^

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 3:52 PM |

Friday, March 25, 2005

All of a sudden, I got overwhelmed by a wave of depression. Sigh. What on earth is wrong with me? Maybe it's because of the never-ending pile of homework, tests, assignments and projects? Maybe it's because I'm leaving CO soon? Maybe it's because I'll never get to play my darling gaohu after I stepped down again? Maybe it's because of the impending O' levels? Maybe it's because... ...

Ah well, it's an accumulation of everything. Sec 4. The stress level is really unimaginable. My grades are dropping like shit no matter how much I study. Everything just sucks! Sometimes I just feel like giving up and not study. Like I just don't wanna care anymore... But, obviously I can't do that. Of course I know that part of the reason of my busyness (is there such a word? or did I spell it wrongly?) is because of the countless long CO practices. But CO. It's the only thing I enjoy doing now, aside from reading novels and anything else related to music, like my violin or piano. It's the only thing that I look forward to in school and it's also the only thing that makes me smile and happy, again aside from my novels and some of my good friends. Something's wrong with my sentence structure?? Ugh. See, even my English is deteriorating.

And I realised that it isn't good to hold back your tears too often. Now that I can control my tears, I find that I can hardly cry anymore. And even if I did, the tears would just well up in my eyes, after a minute or so, my eyes would be dry again. Or at the very most, I would cry silently for a few minutes and that's it. No more tears. And I would look no different than my usual old self. But in actual fact, crying is very good way of relief. Sometimes I just wanna cry my heart out. Shut myself in my room and sob for all I want. But again, no tears. They just won't come. I feel so awful whenever I feel like crying and I just can't no matter how. So my word of advice: Don't hold back your tears. It's good to be strong, but it's alright to cry once in awhile. Just let it all out...

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 6:08 PM |

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Okay, I'm back due to complaints from my juniors that I haven't been blogging for a very long time. Haha. I don't know what to say. Life's a total monotone in sec 4. Aside from studying, revising and doing homework, it's still studying, revising and doing homework. With the exception of CO practices of course, which seems to be the only thing that I'm really looking forward to and really enjoying in school.

Today I finally felt that I could have a breather. I felt so suffocated since school re-opened. The workload is unimaginably huge. I just had a Physics Test today, which I'm not so sure of how well I've done, but oh well, it's over. Tomorrow is our school's Sports Meet, so there's no school and Friday is Good Friday. Yeap, "song le yi kou qi". Though I'm still laden with huge piles of homework over the weekends. Sigh, it's inevitable anyway.

For some unknown reasons, I missed playing golf. Yeah, the very same sport that gave me horrible muscle aches that make me wince in pain everytime I make the slightest movement. Maybe I'll go play after my Os.

Okay, what on earth am I rambling on about... Random, irrelevant thoughts that surfaces in my mind every now and then... I'm laughing a tad bit too much nowadays. I must be losing it. The stress is getting to my head. Yeap.

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 9:41 PM |

Monday, March 07, 2005

I feel like shit and I look like hell. Apparantly, my illnesses has escalated beyond my wildest imagination. Alright, that was a bit over, but my sickness DID escalate. A lot.

I went to bed last night at around 11.30pm (which is considered early in my case) feeling slightly feverish. I thought of getting an ice pack, but then I thought a good night's sleep would chase it away and I was also too drained to climb from the third storey to the first just to get an ice pack. So I went to sleep, thinking I would be better in the morning. I was so wrong.

A raging fever woke me up at 2.40am in the morning. I groped around for the thermometer. 37.7 degrees celsius. Okay, I thought, and ambled downstairs to grab two ice packs, before returning to bed. After some time, I realised two things: I was unable to get back to sleep and my fever refused to subside, despite the two ice packs. I felt like on fire yet I was shaking like a leaf under my blanket. I reached for the thermometer again. And what in the world?! My fever has, instead of going down, risen all the way up to 38.0 degrees celsius. Truth be told, I was panicking and getting a bit paranoid. I felt downright awful and all I wanted then was for someone to comfort me. Unfortuantely, it was 3 am in the morning, who else could I turn to but myself? I calmed myself down, went downstairs and took two panadols. Then I returned to my room, switched off the air-conditioner, threw open the door and went back to bed, without even switching on the fan. Even then, I was still shivering under my blanket. I squeezed my eyes shut and made myself go to sleep. Thankfully, I succeeded.

When I woke up this morning, the fever has gone down, though not completely, but I was no longer shivering. I decided to go to school. Yeah, because of the Chemistry test and because at sec 4, if you miss any lessons, that's it. You get totally lost. I felt so awful in school. I kept coughing, sneezing and blowing my nose. Now my nose feels like it's gonna drop off. I managed to endure through the whole day in school, even through Homework Time. But on my way home on the bus, I felt like total shit. My eyes hurt so much they feel swollen and like they're gonna tear any moment. My nose hurts badly too, after blowing them for like the what - hundredth time? After I got off the bus, I felt like collasping while crossing the stupid overhead bridge. Just feel like dropping dead there. But yeah, I made it home and took a look at myself in the mirror. My lips were so pale, they were almost the same colour as my face. Woo~ Okay, I need to rest now. My mum insists on bringing me to the doctor later. What can I say?

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 4:59 PM |

Saturday, March 05, 2005

I am sick. Perhaps that's a blessing in disguise. For the first time in many months, I finally got my eight hours of sleep. Yeah, I didn't go for CO today. I stayed in bed for a very long time, reading and resting. So tired. I'm down with a fever, sore throat and cough. Hope I'll be well by Monday coz I wanna do PE, even though volleyball isn't exactly the most enjoyable game due to the amount of pain inflicted on your arms. But I go all hyper during PE, so yeah.

Yesterday I laughed a lot during CO. Yeah, Lynn lah. During full orchestra practice, her bow hit my elbow and pushed my elbow. I stared at her, vice versa and we burst out laughing. Despite my feeling ill, I couldn't help laughing so much yesterday. Which reminds me of one particular occasion where my face simply refuses to cooperate with me. I couldn't stop smiling. I tried to bring my mouth down into a scowl, and failed miserably. I ended up looking constipated for a few moments before the corners of my mouth lifted and I went back to smiling idiotically, like the cat who got the canary. The reason why, is for me to know, and you, to find out.

Anyway, I'm feeling tired again. I sense the beginnings of a terrible headache. I'm probably gonna retreat to the comforts of my bed again and go sleep or rest. Ahhh, I have a Chemistry test on monday. That so sucks! Okay, I'm really feeling very tired now, gonna go back to bed.

Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 3:07 PM |