Got back my math test paper today. As expected, I failed again. Failed by 2 marks! Sometimes I really feel like giving up on math le... But I can't! So... strive on... Today's CME was umm... well... about gender... and topics on that... you know what will happen...
Today Zheng Lao Shi came! So while he was teaching the sec 1s, I conducted the section with Xin Yi, the assistant leader. Well, it wasn't really easy to conduct a section of about 16 sec 2s, 3s and 4s. The hardest part was to get their attention. Well, the rest were... pretty okay. At first, I clapped the pulse, then my palms hurt. So, I told my section to practise bar 20 and 24, the messy ones and went up to get a drumstick. For some unknown reason, I seem to have a rather unsteady pulse today. I don't know why. Good thing Xin Yi was clapping along while I beat the pulse with the drumstick. Then halfway through conducting Lian Zhou Wu, Zheng lao shi decided to come over to the senior section. Ahhh... Then he was like laughing... Oh man... Kinda embarrassing... After that, he also practised with us Lian Zhou Wu again.
Words are the pen of the heart, but music is the pen of the soul.
I guess they've decided to revert back to the old time-table, with effect from next week. Oh well, Mr Yong is still gone though, so Mr Mubarak is still taking us for A-Math. Not that I'm complaining. He's a good teacher. But why is Miss Neo leaving us...? So sad... And guess who we're getting instead? Mr Yusoff! Ahhhhh... I was screaming silently in class. Well, Emily really did scream and Tallie's jaw dropped open. Why is this happening to 3/3... Oh well, we'll see how he teaches on friday.
Had our Coordinate Geometry test at the end of the day. For some unknown reason, I suddenly forgot how to find the coordinates of a point. I waas freaking out. I really felt like screaming admist the silence of the classroom. I felt like giving up halfway through the test. But I kept telling myself that I mustn't fail this test! I studied for 2 hours yesterday and my tuition teacher expects me to get full marks! And yet now... Depressed... I really have no idea what's wrong with me nowadays... Feel so unfocused...
Today, after recess, I seem to sink into a bad mood. For some unknown reason too. It just feels as if you hate the whole world. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just sat there and stare into space or work on my O' level Vocab book. I just feel like getting out of this place, go home and be alone. Feel so awful...
For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been...' Y o u r N a m e _ b l o g g e d _ @ 4:30 PM |
Sunday, March 28, 2004
I almost had to conduct the orchestra during CO yesterday. Luckily I didn't have to. Quite a lot of people conducted today, and the funniest was Chiou Huey. I laughed till I had a stomachache. She was conducting and dancing at the same time and the way she holds the baton is as if she wanted to kill someone. Anyway, Zheng Lao Shi is coming back next sat! Yay! Finally. We had a committee meeting yesterday and Miss Leong was talking to us about all the problems of CO. Of course, the main and worst problem is discipline and commitment. Sec 1s' attitude also not serious de... Then had a list of solutions and stuff. Then Miss Leong dismissed us. Suddenly, she came back again. She forgot to discuss about our Speech Day attire, but most of us already went home. Too bad the sec 2s don't have our last year SYF costume. I think we'll be wearing our last year concert's attire. Some people want uniform, but that's so boring.
Tomorrow's the start of yet another week. Monday. I don't like Mondays. Having to endure through 4 periods of E-Math. What's more, Coordinate Geometry test tomorrow! Alright, I better go and study le. Bye!
Character is a like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
I have no idea why I'm feeling so awfully tired every single day. I slept at 10.10pm yesterday, which is extremely early in my case. I arrived at school with my half-shut eyes. Soo sooo sleeepy... Thank goodness there isn't any chemistry lessons today, or Mrs Tay's monotonous voice would have lulled me to sleep. No kidding. Her voice is enough to make anyone sleepy. The ultimate cure for insomnia. Alright, I should stop being mean. She actually teaches... well... ok lah... I found out that Miss Neo isn't gonna teach us social studies anymore! Sobs... Why... why.... why... She's such as good teacher! I want her back... I don't want Mr Yusoff nor Mrs Maesten (is this how u spell her name?) Haiz... so sad... I'll found out who is my new social studies teacher next week.
Anyway, I got back my Physics test paper today. Didn't do well... Got a B4 grade. Sad. But, work harder next time!
Hey Dad, look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I'm wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seems so far away
And it feels like you don't
Care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be Perfect
Nothing's gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this
Right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
That is Perfect from Simple Plan. It's a nice song I like. It kind of expresses some of my feelings as well.
Today is quite a depressing day. Why does everyday seem so depressing nowadays? First day of Term 2. First 2 periods: Physics. Started on a new chapter: Turning Effect of Forces. Had a surprise Pop Quiz. It was quite ok. Then Mr Mubarak told us that there's a change in our time-table. Everyone either groaned or went "what?!". That includes me. Our time-table kept changing. It's irritating. It was a swap between A-Math and E-Math periods. According to the old time-table, we were supposed to have 2 periods of A-Math after Physics, but they have swapped it with 2 periods of E-Math on Wednesday. And guess what? We had a total of FOUR periods of E-Math today. How "nice"... Argh... yucks...
I can't stand it anymore. My brain was like shutting down during Math lessons. I don't understand what the teacher is talking about and she just seem to ramble on and on. I'm gonna fail my exams if I don't work hard on my own. At the last 2 periods of E-Math, she gave out our test papers which we did last term. She arranged the papers from the highest to the lowest. I don't like it. It's really kind of mean. I knew my paper would be somewhere at the bottom. True enough, it was. I failed. Both papers, yes. Depressed. After that, my brain practically shut down and I didn't wanna listen to what she's talking about. Give me a music lesson anytime man. I'd rather have music theory than math lessons. While drowning in my sorrows and at the same time bored to death sitting at my desk, I kept glancing at the clock from time to time, counting down to the time when lessons would be over. But that got boring as well. So I took out my English newspaper articles to do. Finally, the bell rang. I let out a sigh of relief.
Thank goodness.
Hiya! Can you believe it? I'm blogging at 3.35am in the morning! I'm feeling so sleepy, but I gotta finish up as much homework as I can finish. Karen, Si Hui and Shi Yun are staying overnight at my house to complete our NEWater project and to complete our homework. Now, Karen and Shi Yun have fallen asleep. Si Hui and I are still doing our Physics worksheets. It's so hard and the 'greatest' thing to happen now is for our school's website server to be down! Anyway, my fingers are hurting from excessive writing and my eyelids are heavy. Nevertheless, I shall at least finish up my Physics worksheets. It's now 4am in the morning and I have yet to complete my Newton's First and Second Law Physics worksheet! [50 minutes passed] Yes! I've finished! It's now 10 minutes to 5am in the morning. Arh... I can't believed I actually stayed up all night to do homework! Incredible. Alright, I've really gotta go now. I'm really feeling groggy and sleepy. Bye!
There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.
Junior Orchestra sounds awful. I'm not criticising or anything, I'm just stating a fact. They can't even listen to Xiang Le's beat properly. Before everything, Xiang Le was teaching them some basic theory like crescendo, decrescrendo and so on. Then after he ran through Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee, he began to give comments, like "Erhu ppl, you all never come in at Bar 21..." He realised that all their scores don't have dynamics, so he began to read out the dynamics and ask the sec 1s to write them down. While I was walking around to make sure everything's alright, I realised that all the erhu sec 1s have mixed up crescendo and decrescendo! Ahhhhh... I almost fainted. Their crescendo became decrescendo and their decrescendo became crescendo!!! I stopped Xiang Le before he began to conduct again to give me time to correct their dynamics. He looked at one of the scores and started laughing. Then he said "Anyone else wrote their dynamics wrongly? Don't have ar... Aiyo, don't be like the erhu ppl here..." I glared at him. I feel so insulted. Hmph.
Haiz... Everytime after I teach the sec 1s, I'll feel so depressed and frustrated. I'm not the only one. Eileen too. I really don't know why the sec 1s are like that this year. CO really lacks discipline and something has to be done. SYF is gonna be next year and the school wants us to get Gold. If the sec 1s are gonna have this kind of attitude towards CO, getting Gold is really out of the question. Sometimes, I really feel like giving the sec 1s a good lecture. But they really don't appreciate what the seniors are doing for them; what the school is doing for them! Dunman High CO, they have to pay the instructors themselves! Tms CO, they school help us pay. It's like, the sec 1s should really really appreciate what the school has done for us! Sigh... I'm getting all upset again over the sec 1s...
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he/she wants to do it.
My sister is sick. Yes, my second sis. Stomach flu and high fever. I'm down with flu and cough too. I had to take care of her today. Change her ice packs... cook lunch, which was porridge... and I stirred it until my arm was about to drop off... wash the dishes... feed her medicine... blah blah blah...
Then had tuition in the evening from 1830 - 2030. Tiring day, not to mention I was dozing off when my tuition teacher was explaining Coordinate Geometry. Haha... Feeling so sleepy... Still got tons of unfinished holiday hw piled on my desk, waiting to be done! I'm sooooo dead!
Tomorrow got self-practice. Well, more like, teaching the sec 1s. Tomorrow would also be the first day of the Junior Orchestra! I'm so excited. Well, though it doesn't concern me, I'd just like to see how it'll be like. The Sec 1s this year are so lucky. March already can join an orchestra le... When I was sec 1, I had to go through MONTHS of self-practice before I could finally join the orchestra at the end of the year. It's the same with everyone in that year and last. Now, got Junior Orchestra. So good. Xiang Le and Jia Zhen would be conducting. Wonder how it would turn out to be like. With people like _______... Sighz, somehow, I don't really wish to know. But, oh well, I'll be staying to watch them. I don't think my sis would be going tomorrow. She got an m.c. from the doc.
Yesterday, while I was running down a slope, frantically trying to catch Bus 19, a kind soul helped me delayed the bus from going off. Whoever you are, thank you! Er... yeah, I am aware that whoever you are, you won't be reading my blog, but thanks anyway.
Alright, it's getting late. It's time I continue my Physics worksheet. Bleah... Physics...
Today was Handover Ceremony at Aranda Country Club! I'm feeling so beat now. Tired man... Anyway, it was really fun! Firstly, of course, was the BBQ. I was barbequeing the chicken wings, nuggets, satay and etc. and at the same time, barbequeing my face as well. It was so hot! Xin Yi said my face was red! Haha. And in the end, all I ate was 2 marshmellows and 3 nuggets. Pathetic. Nevermind.
Then next was the ceremony! We were all gathered into the chalet and our 3 teachers-in-charge, Mr Lim, Mdm Ma and Miss Leong, were all invited to make a speech. Heh, since we're Chinese Orchestra, Jia Zhen said to speak mandarin today. In the end, Mr Lim and Miss Leong were speaking mixtures of English and Chinese! Haha. Then they gave out the certificates for all the sectional leaders and assistant sectional leaders of 2003. I got my assistant sectional leader certificate. Then there were quite a number of speeches made by committee and sub-committee members 2003 and 2004. Then all the sectional leaders and assistant sectional leaders exchange gifts. Then the committee and sub-committee members exchanged gifts. I'm now sectional leader and one of the librarians. After all that, we played Simon Says and 3 people had to do forfeit, which is... Chicken Dance! After the chicken dance, everyone danced the Friendship Dance! That was fun! Though quite a number of people were not very spontaneous.
Finally, the finale of the 2004 Handover Ceremony. All the lights were turned off and naturally, many people, well, girls to be specific, started screaming their heads off. Anyway, candles were lighted and there was a big cake. The presidents of CO 2003 and 2004, Jia Zhen, Xiang Le, Xue Fang and June, were gathered around the table with the 3 teachers. They all scathered coloured rice on the cake. Then the cake was cut up and served with ice-cream! After that, everything was over and you are free to leave. Some people are staying overnight though. I'm not, didn't feel like. My mum didn't allow either. Anyway, I have a project to do tomorrow, so it might be better if I go home to sleep. Alright, I'm really tired now... Need to go sleep! Not to mention, I'm hungry too! Alright, I'm going off! Bye!
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Guan Mo Hui today was a big improvement from last week's. Today was also Election day for the new committee members. Conductor didn't come today, so Xiang Le conducted. Haha, so funny. It's his first time conducting and it was quite okay lah... Some parts were really messy though. During Mambo No. 5, he was playing the cowbell so loudly in front of me, I almost went deaf. Ouch, even Lynn and Michelle says so... Haha...
CO chalet's next Tuesday, haven't buy Sec 4s presents... haven't buy hand-over presents... haven't buy BBQ food. So much things to do.
After CO, went home with him. It was finally a happy period of time. But now... everything seems to have become sad and depressed once more... Good things never seem to last long. Why... Why did things always have to end up in this way...? Why...
Time, it doesn't heal. It numbs. It doesn't make the pain go away, it just makes it more bearable.
As expected... I didn't do well for Term 1... I knew it even before I got back my progress report... It's kind of weird... I had expected it, but I couldn't accept it. I just couldn't! I exceeded my m.s.g. and I failed my A-math... but surprisingly, I got first in class for English. But I only got 3 As! A1 for chemistry, A1 for chinese and A2 for social studies. That's it. The rest were Bs and Cs... It's so depressing. First time in my entire life, I got a failing mark on my report slip. Sighz... what to do... work harder for the next term. I won't give up till I get as many As as possible.
Sometimes... you know, I couldn't help thinking that I'm some cold, unfeeling person, who can't love nor care for the people closest and dearest to me... I really don't know why I'm behaving in this manner... It really sucks... I'm trying to change... but sometimes it's just so hard... I hate myself sometimes... Why am I like that! Anyway... Here am I, stepping onto the road of ammendments... of course for the better... Doing this for him... or at least trying...
Once again, as expected, CO today was... hmm... how do I describe it? Terrible. Alright, sometimes I don't understand why does my section have so many problematic ppl? 2 juniors who simply refuses to practise and bugged me for 15 minutes that they wanted to go home. Another 2 juniors, running around, flirting with Xiang Le and every other possible guys... Sheesh... They don't seem to be worried about Guan Mo Hui at all! I'm worried for them man! Handling a section of 11 sec 1s efficiently isn't easy... Especially, when not all of them are cooperative. One junior actually called me a 38 today! Can you believe it! I'm so mad... It's so insulting and rude! Argh, don't talk about the Sec 1s le... Headache...
Made 2 new friends today, Adam and Andy. They're friendly. Both are from TWE. Come to think of it, it seems really weird that I have more friends in TWE than in CO... Aiysha, Tallie, Daniel, Emily, Florence... they're all in TWE... hmmz, nvm... I like my instrument. Haha... I was panicking today when my gaohu went missing. Cheryl took it without telling him. Gee... Alright, gtg. Bye.
Follow your heart, it might not always be right but despite the pain, you'll have memories that make you smile even once and every rare whiles...
Frost trapping her bones
Head heavy and bloodied soles
Grains scarce and hunger grows
Clothes worn and torn with holes
In a desolate corner
Is a girl of ice
Limbs of stone
Cringing faintly
Pulling from the lighted cone
A ripple of hate
But a streak of fear
Of thee gentlemen's
Boisterous cheer
The bliss, the joy
The happy tears
Yet the cook's
Crude selfishness
The leftovers
Had gone to waste
He threw them out
Denying her a taste
With a bitter heart
She shuffled away
Hating
To longer stay
This cold, cruel
Unfeeling place
Few have more
Some have less
Fair or not
It's not ours to test
Tis thy choice
To aid or not
For endless have less
Than what thou has got
Was it nice? That poem is titled "Poverty". It's written by Tallie and I. Well, actually, it's supposed to be our English homework. Haha...
I'm gonna get back my progress report tml! I'll be sooo dead... I can't believe I got a B4 for Literature! I feel so depressed... despondent... melancholy... whatever you wanna call it... Tml got CO (Chinese Orchestra)... see the sec 1s... teach them... prepare them for the Guan Mo Hui this sat... same old thing... and maybe at the same time, practise Mambo No. 5. Alright, I'm hungry, it's time to eat dinner. Bye!
Hiya. First thing in the morning, we had our E-math test. What a wonderful way to start the day! I hope you realise I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, it's the first time I'm doing this... having a blog I mean, so I'm not very familiar with it. And, well, my knowledge of HTML and stuff is practically zero. I dunno how people make their blogs so nice, I've got lots to learn!
Sigh... I'm so gonna fail my E-math test... I've already failed A-math and now E-math! Great... I feel so stupid, I can't believe I left a question blank because I couldn't remember the formula for sector and when it was stated at the end of the question! Lesson learnt: Always finish reading the whole question first, before anything.
Friday is approaching... which means... CO... which means... I gotta teach the Sec 1s... which means... my life would probably shorten for another year. Being Sectional Leader isn't fun at all, well, I guess, it was never meant to be a fun job? It's really a lot of responsiblity, especially for a section as big as mine, with 28 members. Sometimes I just don't understand why some sec 1s are just so stubborn. On Tuesday, while I was transposing this score from G Major to D Major for the Sec 1s, Jia Zhen came into the classroom. She began to assign seniors to teach the sec 1s and in different classrooms as well. I got assigned to ___, I don't wish to mention his name. I groaned inwardly. That sec 1 has pissed me off since the first day I met him.
I mean seriously, he doesn't show respect to seniors nor to the instrument! I stood beside him throughout the practice and personally taught him. Unbelievable. Told him to practise a study piece, five minutes later, he put down his erhu and complained that he was tired. Fine, gave him a 5 minutes break. After that, he said his erhu is out of tune. Fine, tune for him. While I was tuning, he actually put his head on the table and slept! Shook him up and asked him to continue practising. He closed his eyes and practised. His friend yelled into his ear, ok, that woke him up. 5 minutes later, he started complaining that his fingers hurt. Right... Hasn't he ever heard of endurance? I went through that as well. Everyone in Bowed-string section does... Scolded him a bit after that. Then made him practise again.
After CO, when we were all cramped and squashed up in the drying yard, keeping our instruments, he actually hit the timpani so hard that I thought it would spoil. I had to scold him again... for not respecting instruments! And what's more, he doesn't take scoldings seriously!Argh... So mad...
Nvm, don't wish to talk abt it anymore... Must practise hard on my gaohu... some parts of Mambo 5 is really hard to play... practise!!! Alright, time to stop rambling...
Smile even when your heart is aching... Smile even though your heart is breaking... It'll prevent the tears from falling...
CREDITS TO
Original Base by Sharon
Design, Layout and Rearrangement by LeeDeeYa
Brushes Thanks To TS and The Fifth Muse
Also Thanks To Adobe Photoshop 7.0